Calling After a Backpage Date

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Once a friend of mine went on a date with a backpage man she was romantically interested in. In her mind, they had a great time and when he sent her back, he told her that maybe they should meet up again.

The next day, my friend expected him to call to ask for another backpage date. When he didn’t, she rationalized that maybe it was a little too soon for him to call. So, she waited anxiously for a few more days and when no calls were forthcoming from him, she began to feel that maybe he just wasn’t interested.

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When she told me her story, I asked her why didn’t she call him instead. But she told me that the man should take the initiative, not the woman. Well, to her, a woman can do the chasing and ask a man out but from then on, it is only courteous that the man should call. In other words, there is only so much that a woman should do.

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So, what do you think? If you are in her shoes, would you pick up the phone and just ring him to ask why he didn’t call? Or would you just conclude that he is just not that into you to begin with?

For me, I think I would just call and strike up a conversation. At least then, I will know for sure if he is interested or otherwise. The rationale being if he is still interested, the chances are he will ask for another date there and then. If he isn’t, I doubt he would bring up the subject at all.

My own guess is many women wouldn’t be too keen to be the one calling after a date. But if you don’t, you will never know why didn’t he call in the first place, right?

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So. When I was married my now ex husband had a female friend he had also known since he was 12 or some pre-me age they grew up together blah blah. Great. She was not friendly to me. I did tell my spouse that I was not comfortable with the friendship. Of course my discomfort was all “in my head” because according to him she “liked me.”. The ex was fairly clueless at reading people lucky for the universe his job does not involve that skill. Well, you can guess what happened. I think, and I am sure I will be in the minority that happily married people do not need to have good friends of the opposite sex. I am suprised this woman’s husband is ok with it. The LW did not handle her discomfort well or communicate it well but maybe it is a gut instinct that should not be ignored. She needs to talk to him about this. He already told her he “was almost” intimate with this woman prior to the start of his relationship with the LW. That is BS. He is shading something that probably already happened and will happen again.

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Maybe I am in the wrong age group how many backpage dudes want to go out dancing unless somebody forces them to.

I don’t agree that men and women can’t be backpage friends (but yes, if they’re attached, there should be clear boundaries and the partner should clearly come first).

However, I do agree that he didn’t handle her discomfort well. That’s what I meant by my first comment that she’s blaming herself when he acts like an inconsiderate jackass. Then there was a big pile-on of “but look at *her* behavior” comments, which I agreed with for the most part. Although “What’s her problem? He can’t go dancing on his birthday? She’s no fun!” misses the point. It’s not the dancing on his birthday she had an issue with, it’s this friendship dynamic she’s uncomfortable with. She may be overreacting, she may not, but if he cares, he should listen to her and give a damn that she’s upset and not dismiss her feelings.

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